The Incredible Lightness of Ebaying
Hello, I'm T. And I'm an Ebay addict.
Can't stop bidding no matter what I do. It's a good thing I don't smoke, or drink a lot, or gamble. I'm already putting us in the poorhouse with all these bloody auctions I "have to" win. If I were a normal non-addict, I would put in my maximum bid and just sit back and wait to see if I win or not. If I do, great - if I don't, oh well, there's always another one. Right? I wish. I get the bloodlust in me, especially when I'm sitting there lurking over the auction as the final seconds tick down. I've been sniped too many times - I'm wise to all those tricks. Suddenly the bids are WAY past my maximum, but I'm still in there with my quick little fingers. I end up paying more for the stuff used than I would have new, if I'd just waited for a sale. I almost always regret it when I'm done. I must stop. I think the only solution to this problem - is to start selling.
And the exclusive thing I bid on? Clothes for my little angel. You know, the one that was running screaming around my house on Saturday afternoon? If that weren't bad enough, 7 of her friends were running screaming behind her. What is the official name for this 9th degree of hell? "Birthday Party." Yes, on the day of my kid's 5th birthday party, it has to rain for the first time in THREE FUCKING MONTHS. Eight 5 year olds, supercharged on sugar and adrenaline, tearing K's room apart, terrorizing my cats, and breaking the sound barrier with all that yelling. All the other moms desterted me - cowards. They went to STARBUCKS. I would have snuck out with them but my husband collared me - there's no way HE'S gonna be trapped there alone.
Anyway, back to the clothes. I buy Gymboree. If you're not a parent, you don't know, but for moms, especially of girls, it's like the Dolce & Gabbana of kids clothes. Great fabrics, interesting styles, and they wear really well. But they're fucking expensive, man! The only time I can afford to buy them at the store is when I get a special email giving me 30% off - and then I still usually only buy on sale for the extra discount. Jesus.
And then Ebay came along. It's no longer parents selling their hand-me-downs, either. An entire economy has sprung up, with people (I don't know who they are - Gymboree employees?) selling huge lots of clothing, with the buyers then splitting their lots up into outfits and making an absolute KILLING. And boy, are there some stupid people out there. The newest craze - putting up an auction that promises to double the winner's bid in value of clothing. So if you pay $100, they'll give you $200 worth of clothes. Well, we're talking full retail here, people. In Gymboree terms, that could mean 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts. Big whoop. Especially when you can order off the Gymboree website when things are on sale AND get free shipping if you pay enough. I usually only buy used clothes or new with tags IF the price is right.
I've been toying with the idea of selling myself, but I need some serious capital to get going. I also get a migraine when I think about dealing with buyers. I, of course, am a model buyer, but I'm sure I'd get every crazy wack-job out there. No, you can't return it because your kid doesn't like it. No, I won't ship it to you in Timbuk-fucking-tu for $3.50 when my auction CLEARLY STATES I will ship only to the continental US and Canada. No, I won't put it "on hold" for you or take more than the winning bidder, and reneg on the auction, just because you "really, really, REALLY want it." Anyone have a Tylenol?
Can't stop bidding no matter what I do. It's a good thing I don't smoke, or drink a lot, or gamble. I'm already putting us in the poorhouse with all these bloody auctions I "have to" win. If I were a normal non-addict, I would put in my maximum bid and just sit back and wait to see if I win or not. If I do, great - if I don't, oh well, there's always another one. Right? I wish. I get the bloodlust in me, especially when I'm sitting there lurking over the auction as the final seconds tick down. I've been sniped too many times - I'm wise to all those tricks. Suddenly the bids are WAY past my maximum, but I'm still in there with my quick little fingers. I end up paying more for the stuff used than I would have new, if I'd just waited for a sale. I almost always regret it when I'm done. I must stop. I think the only solution to this problem - is to start selling.
And the exclusive thing I bid on? Clothes for my little angel. You know, the one that was running screaming around my house on Saturday afternoon? If that weren't bad enough, 7 of her friends were running screaming behind her. What is the official name for this 9th degree of hell? "Birthday Party." Yes, on the day of my kid's 5th birthday party, it has to rain for the first time in THREE FUCKING MONTHS. Eight 5 year olds, supercharged on sugar and adrenaline, tearing K's room apart, terrorizing my cats, and breaking the sound barrier with all that yelling. All the other moms desterted me - cowards. They went to STARBUCKS. I would have snuck out with them but my husband collared me - there's no way HE'S gonna be trapped there alone.
Anyway, back to the clothes. I buy Gymboree. If you're not a parent, you don't know, but for moms, especially of girls, it's like the Dolce & Gabbana of kids clothes. Great fabrics, interesting styles, and they wear really well. But they're fucking expensive, man! The only time I can afford to buy them at the store is when I get a special email giving me 30% off - and then I still usually only buy on sale for the extra discount. Jesus.
And then Ebay came along. It's no longer parents selling their hand-me-downs, either. An entire economy has sprung up, with people (I don't know who they are - Gymboree employees?) selling huge lots of clothing, with the buyers then splitting their lots up into outfits and making an absolute KILLING. And boy, are there some stupid people out there. The newest craze - putting up an auction that promises to double the winner's bid in value of clothing. So if you pay $100, they'll give you $200 worth of clothes. Well, we're talking full retail here, people. In Gymboree terms, that could mean 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts. Big whoop. Especially when you can order off the Gymboree website when things are on sale AND get free shipping if you pay enough. I usually only buy used clothes or new with tags IF the price is right.
I've been toying with the idea of selling myself, but I need some serious capital to get going. I also get a migraine when I think about dealing with buyers. I, of course, am a model buyer, but I'm sure I'd get every crazy wack-job out there. No, you can't return it because your kid doesn't like it. No, I won't ship it to you in Timbuk-fucking-tu for $3.50 when my auction CLEARLY STATES I will ship only to the continental US and Canada. No, I won't put it "on hold" for you or take more than the winning bidder, and reneg on the auction, just because you "really, really, REALLY want it." Anyone have a Tylenol?
posted by TeeBee at 8:40 a.m.
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