I swear to God, they're buffalo
So, here is a typical half hour period with Zack and Zipper, the two kittens from hell.
7:30pm - run over to kitchen table yelling "Zack! Get down! GET DOWN!" He gets down.
7:35pm - see above. Detour into kitchen to get Zipper off the counter.
7:38pm - see above
7:40pm - see above
7:42pm - put slippers on as Zipper is biting my toes. Put newspaper down as Zack is trying to claw his way through it.
7:45pm - comfort crying daughter, who has been scratched for the zillionth time after trying to "cuddle" with one of the kittens. Cuddle. These two would as soon eat your nose as look at you. I discourage her from trying to cuddle with them.
7:48pm - do kitchen table dance again. Put B's dinner in the toaster oven - not to warm it up, but to keep it safe from the ravenous beasts. Who were just fed their dinner.
7:49pm - take my one chance to open patio screen door and go outside. Why now? Because it's the perfect opportunity - Zack is currently chasing his tail, and Zipper is in the best place to ensure he doesn't try to escape outside. He's hanging by his claws halfway up said screen door.
7:51pm - make it back inside without the escape artists getting out. Much to their disgust. They ignore me. For a millisecond.
7:55pm - back to the kitchen table. Feeling murderous at this point. Zack would make a nice muff.
8:00pm - two kittens finally settle down in my lap, purring contentedly. I, of course, have to get up.
Fuck.
7:30pm - run over to kitchen table yelling "Zack! Get down! GET DOWN!" He gets down.
7:35pm - see above. Detour into kitchen to get Zipper off the counter.
7:38pm - see above
7:40pm - see above
7:42pm - put slippers on as Zipper is biting my toes. Put newspaper down as Zack is trying to claw his way through it.
7:45pm - comfort crying daughter, who has been scratched for the zillionth time after trying to "cuddle" with one of the kittens. Cuddle. These two would as soon eat your nose as look at you. I discourage her from trying to cuddle with them.
7:48pm - do kitchen table dance again. Put B's dinner in the toaster oven - not to warm it up, but to keep it safe from the ravenous beasts. Who were just fed their dinner.
7:49pm - take my one chance to open patio screen door and go outside. Why now? Because it's the perfect opportunity - Zack is currently chasing his tail, and Zipper is in the best place to ensure he doesn't try to escape outside. He's hanging by his claws halfway up said screen door.
7:51pm - make it back inside without the escape artists getting out. Much to their disgust. They ignore me. For a millisecond.
7:55pm - back to the kitchen table. Feeling murderous at this point. Zack would make a nice muff.
8:00pm - two kittens finally settle down in my lap, purring contentedly. I, of course, have to get up.
Fuck.
posted by TeeBee at 8:50 a.m.
3 Comments:
Holy crap I choked on my coffee reading this!!! What a riot! (I'm sure not for you) ;)
Sounds like you need to try the double sided tape trick. Put some on the edges of your counter or anywhere else the little devils jump up.
We're partial to a good spray bottle of water. Works wonders.
Post a Comment
<< Home