Zis Vey to Zee Pool!

Wow, finally get to post again! Every time I've tried to log on the past week, I can't get the page to load. Stupid Blogger.

So, how can you tell fall is setting in? The leaves are changing colour, the weather has turned from "sunny with a chance of clouds" to "shitty with a chance of crap," and I am growing my winter coat. I'm starting to look like a member of the East German women's Olympic swim team. The spousal unit is unimpressed, to say the least.

I am still shaving, because it's easy. I shave my lower legs and my pits. I figure it's the least I can do, and there's no way I'm showing up at the gym with hairy legs and armpits. What does that tell you - I'm more worried about what the gym-rats will think than I am about what my husband will feel. Priorities, right?

I keep up with the waxing in the summer. My upper legs and the dreaded bikini area. They should rename it, though, because most women can't wear a bikini that small, thank you very much. Hair is the least of their worries, ya catch my drift?

Everything seems to go to hell after Labour Day. The sandals get put away, so no more painted toenails. The tan starts to fade, so the cellulite is a little more cottage-cheese-like. So very attractive. No more body moisturizer. No more highlights in the hair. I may as well turn into a man.

There is some hope for the husband. I bought a waxing kit last week. That should get me to January at least. Maybe he'll stop asking me to cook bratwurst.

Another One Bites The Dust

First I was the dumper. Now I'm the dumpee.

My first new show of the fall season has been cancelled.

I thought the first 3 episodes of "Smith" were pretty good, actually. I love Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen, and Amy Smart. Apparently not enough people agree with me. CBS has toasted "Smith" due to poor ratings. They sure don't give new shows much of a honeymoon, do they? "Smith" had barely laid back on the pillows and lit a cigarette before the network execs were shoving on their pants and walking out of the room. No money on the dresser, either. Bastards.

Picked up another new show last week, though. "The Nine" is following "Lost" - talk about a ready-made audience. I liked the pilot - we'll see how this week's episode does.

$50 for a ride, $25 for a blow

I feel like a prostitute. A fundraising prostitute. And I guess it won't end until my kid's out of school - or I become a worn-out, $2 a shot, toothless hag in a back alley whispering "hey honey, wanna buy some chocolate almonds? They're for a good cause!"

First was the Terry Fox Run. K's whole school did it, and while she wasn't required to get pledges, we as parents were "strongly encouraged" to solicit donations. So I sent out the requisite emails and K did make some money. Luckily it's a tax write-off, which encourages altruism. Good think someone benefitted from it, because my kid sure didn't. She ended up being "buddied" with a little 5th grader because there weren't enough parent volunteers (which I never heard they needed, or I would have gone along), and the 5th grader LOST her for few minutes. I'm sure my friends are SICK. TO. DEATH. of hearing about this by now, but it was pretty traumatic at the time. Anyhoo, I digress.

Then came the dreaded Girl Guide cookies. As a Spark, we have to sell them. It's the GG's only fundraiser and happens twice a year. We took our required 3 cases - 48 boxes - and because I'm a leader, we also took an extra one. Luckily the people I work with are carb and sugar hounds - it only took me 3 days to unload 3 cases. The following week we show up at the Sparks meeting to do a "cookie blitz" with the girls who still have some to sell, only to get 3 more cases shoved at me by an irate mother - who dropped her kids off late, no less. The cookie distribution process was a clusterfuck a nightmare a little logistically challenged, and she ended up with 6 cases instead of 3. So she unceremoniously dumped her extra 3 cases on me and said "I'm not selling them." Great, lady, thanks. I'll just do it then. Because I love going door to door, exposing my 5 year old to any number of perverts and letchers, shlepping $4 boxes of cookies.

Now it's coupon books, courtesy of the school again, or should I say the Parent Advisory council. At least people get something out of them, besides getting fat. I've sold a few books at work, and I'm going to buy one.

I used to find fundraising freak parents annoying. Now I am one. Joy.

Someone Wake Up Green Day

October already.

Holy Jesus - gotta get on that Christmas shopping!

Yes, I am one of those annoying people who has most of her Christmas shopping done by the first couple of weeks of December. Not because I'm anal, but because I'm frugal. I can't afford to do it any other way. I buy gifts every 2 weeks when I get paid. With the proliferation of children in my family - 1 kid, 2 nieces and 1 nephew at last count - there's no other fiscal way to accomplish shopping.

Have already knocked off a couple - clothes for the nieces, also some for my own kid. And a cheap Santa present for K - a three part nylon crawl-through-it-tentlike thing. $15 - can't beat that. And it's big, which always impresses the wee ones. Also know what B and I are getting K - one of the loft beds from Ikea. We had told her she needed to be 6 before we got her one, but I think she's ready and she'll totally love it. B won't totally love putting it together, but that's not my problem, right?

And now begins the annual shmozzle over splitting our time between our home and my parents' place. We alternate years, and on the years we're with my parents it's not a big deal. On the off years we still travel there - a 4 hour drive in bad weather - on one weekend in December to do "Christmas." We've never minded, but this year December is already so packed the only time we have is the first weekend or New Year's weekend. Unfortunately, my snow bird parents don't want to wait until after New Year's to leave, so we may be stuck with the first weekend in December, which means it's doubly critical for me to get my shit together early. I'm a little annoyed with them, actually - we've bent over backwards every year to make sure we see my family. No one else travels but us. The fact my parents aren't willing to postpone their multi-week getaway is slightly galling. They're retired - what the fuck else do they have to do? I guess we'll see - things are still up in the air as my sister's inlaws have yet to get the fence posts out of their asses on whether or not they're coming, or will fly the whole fan damily to their place.

It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? Bah humbug.