More Windmills Of My Mind
I was leaving the gym the other day when I saw a woman pulling out of a parking space, workout top on, with a cigarette between her lips. What the fuck? I mean, if you're going to pay money for a gym, shouldn't you quit smoking? Or quit the gym and then you'll have more money for butts. I'm just saying.
One of the ZZ's is pathologically affectionate. And I mean PATHOLOGICALLY. When I get up in the morning and I'm getting dressed, he'll sit on my dresser and try to climb onto my shoulders. He looks genuinely distressed when he can't do it. The other one just bites my toes, which has gotten me into the habit of putting my socks on first. And let me tell you, there is NUTHIN more attractive than an overweight woman with nothing but slouch socks on looking back at you in the mirror at 4am. Playboy, here I come.
Speaking of nuthin, I am fascinated by my daughter's vocabulary. Watching a 5 year old try to figure out the impossible-to-figure-out English language should be a spectator sport. She says "gunna" instead of "going to," "gooder" instead of "better," "fishes" instead of "fish," that kind of thing. Well, actually, it's "fishies," but that's my fault. You know, the things that, when you try to make English make sense, actually make sense. I think she should wrote a book.
After having watched Oprah's show on housewife lesbians, I'm pretty sure I'm not one of them. OK, very sure. While I find women's naked bodies attractive in an empirical sort of way - compared to, say, men's naked bodies (ew, gross) - I've never been attracted to a woman in that way. But I must say, even if I was a lesbian, I'd fight it. I could never date a woman. They're way too fucked up. I should know. At least men are simple. Stupid sometimes, but simple.
I am extremely pissed off at the media coverage given to Betty Krawczyk, the 78 year old raging environmentalist who was just given 10 months in jail. Sorry, lady, but if you break the law as many times as you have, you go to prison. And you didn't just break the law, you defied court order after court order telling you what not to do. And when the judge offered you a conditional sentence - to be served at home - or hours of community service, you said "no." It was jail or nothing for you. So guess what you got? Exactly what you deserve. If you're hardy enough to camp out on a bluff or lay down on a logging road, you can stand a few months in a cushy women's prison. Suck it up, lady.
One of the ZZ's is pathologically affectionate. And I mean PATHOLOGICALLY. When I get up in the morning and I'm getting dressed, he'll sit on my dresser and try to climb onto my shoulders. He looks genuinely distressed when he can't do it. The other one just bites my toes, which has gotten me into the habit of putting my socks on first. And let me tell you, there is NUTHIN more attractive than an overweight woman with nothing but slouch socks on looking back at you in the mirror at 4am. Playboy, here I come.
Speaking of nuthin, I am fascinated by my daughter's vocabulary. Watching a 5 year old try to figure out the impossible-to-figure-out English language should be a spectator sport. She says "gunna" instead of "going to," "gooder" instead of "better," "fishes" instead of "fish," that kind of thing. Well, actually, it's "fishies," but that's my fault. You know, the things that, when you try to make English make sense, actually make sense. I think she should wrote a book.
After having watched Oprah's show on housewife lesbians, I'm pretty sure I'm not one of them. OK, very sure. While I find women's naked bodies attractive in an empirical sort of way - compared to, say, men's naked bodies (ew, gross) - I've never been attracted to a woman in that way. But I must say, even if I was a lesbian, I'd fight it. I could never date a woman. They're way too fucked up. I should know. At least men are simple. Stupid sometimes, but simple.
I am extremely pissed off at the media coverage given to Betty Krawczyk, the 78 year old raging environmentalist who was just given 10 months in jail. Sorry, lady, but if you break the law as many times as you have, you go to prison. And you didn't just break the law, you defied court order after court order telling you what not to do. And when the judge offered you a conditional sentence - to be served at home - or hours of community service, you said "no." It was jail or nothing for you. So guess what you got? Exactly what you deserve. If you're hardy enough to camp out on a bluff or lay down on a logging road, you can stand a few months in a cushy women's prison. Suck it up, lady.
posted by TeeBee at 8:32 a.m.
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