Size Does Matter

Wouldn't it be nice to look like this? I mean seriously, I would bankrupt myself in clothing. I would own every pair of jeans there are. I would gorge myself on tight little t-shirts. I would never cover my stomach. In fact, I think I would walk around in whore-wear most of the time. Work, grocery shopping, whatever.

Can you tell I've been trying on clothes?

Surprise, surprise, I don't look like this girl. Actually, considering all the photoediting these days, she probably doesn't look like her either.

Imagine the exact opposite of this, and that's me. I'm about 5'8'' and a size 14 or 16 depending on the manufacturer. I have what's politely called an hourglass figure, and most of the time I don't mind. I like being curvy and looking curvy. If I were a car, I'd be advertized as "built for comfort, not for speed."

The only time I mind is when I'm trying on clothes. Not tops. In shirts I'm a size large normally, an extra-large if I'm lured into one of those cheap and cheerful tweenie kind of stores, and every once in awhile, when the stars and moon are aligned just so, I'm a medium.

It's pants that are the bane. The BANE of my existence.

First off, I'm considered "tall." How 5'8'' ever got to be tall for a woman is beyond me. Finding pants that don't make me look like I'm about to go off and build an ark is next to impossible. Especially since I also like heels.

Then, try and find a pair of pants that allow for baby-birthing hips, a definite waist, and some square footage in the backyard, if you catch my drift. They either fit in the waist and not in the hips, or vice versa. And heaven forbid a woman actually has some meat on her thighs.

I wish the fashion industry would actually wake up to the fact that women aren't shaped like men. And you can be a size 14 and still have a shape. And still want to wear all the cute clothes the size 3 and 5 girls get to wear. We just want them a little bigger. The same shape, idiots, just bigger.

Luckily for me, I love to shop. Lovelovelovelovelove to shop. I should be a professional shopper, but I doubt I'd make it because I'm way too bossy. "No, you really don't want that. You want THIS. Give me your credit card." So I'm usually able to find something, with a lot of hunting around. That way I'm not naked at work or anything. Trust me - no one wants to see that.